I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
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I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
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That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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