Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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