you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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