based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
