I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
