can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
