i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
