She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
did you just send me my own nude
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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