It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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