I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
