Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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