Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
