so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
