What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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