sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
