...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
