FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
