this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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