god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
