I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I intend to get homeless drunk
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
