he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
dude. I can hear the air.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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