He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
