when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
