i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
