Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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