If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
