don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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