i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
