I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
