Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
