Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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