Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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