Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
