It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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