So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
