i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
