best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
