is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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