Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
