Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just gift wrapped bread.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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