Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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