I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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