I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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