I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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