Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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