I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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