just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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