I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
