I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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