Tell her she can't have a vagina
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
