my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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