I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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