i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
PANTIES FOUND
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
