Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
