went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
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We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
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Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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