I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
