Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
