So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
