Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
