Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
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I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
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Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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