You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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