Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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