i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I think my moral compass just broke
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