Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
sarcasm needs its own font
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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