Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
