my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
