she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
