This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
