I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
