Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
