im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
