so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
