I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
