Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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