Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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